The same story

I tried very hard to be rasional about it.
I know he cant save me.
I know this isnt a movie.
I know I have it better.

I just thought it would get easier, you know?
Easier to quiten the screams in my head.
Easier to just let go.
And breath a little.

But I cant.
I CANT.
I cant escape you.

And its in every moment I try to be better
I just feel fat, ugly, and stupid.

It comes crashing in me.
I hate myself. To infinity.

Everytime I try to do good.
I just feel worst. Like a hypocrite. A liar.
I dont deserve to feel good.

And everytime I try
You remind me, why should I?

Not only will I fail. If I win.
I am left in pieces anyway.
Its a mad cycle.

And I just want to pull out.
And breath.

But its the same story.
Over and over again.