Member of the heart

Becoming the member of anxiety
Only because
I live in a world where

I miss you
Doesnt mean you'll come back

I love you
Doesnt mean you'll stay

And words are only said
So we can get what we want

And the truth doesnt matter
Unless you need something.

Member of anxiety.
Member of the heart.

Ambiguity

So many, love my stories of ambiguity

Not knowing who
For what
Or when

It seems to resonate more with you
That i talk about my faceless demon

Seems like we have a connection
Everytime I share
My stories of hearts broken

Mystery, and questions
Fascinate me, yes.

But when you openly
Pursue me
It drives me even more.

Stop guessing and hinting
And talk to me.

The least I deserve,
Is the sound of your voice.

Go to Heaven

Some days I wish you would just die and go to heaven.

So I can tell people you left me
Because you had to.
Not because you wanted to.

But you wanted to
Go to heaven.
And I was hell.

Hence

I cant lose anymore.

I had things, I wanted. When you told me I had potential. You had me and my dreams, streamed across long black nights. I was young, but I was raw.  And you made me draw. You told me I had talent. I would be great. You made my world... where I was great. I had it in me- to soar. Because you were telling me, singing to me, i would be flying. Writing was our thing. I kept it that way. And words... I felt, were close, honest and real. 

But bullsh*t. 

As you nicely put it. 

My time. Spent waiting. Was a waste of space. I had misheard you. Cleverly "misunderstood". That I was somehow too great. For the likes of you. Haha. But look who cant wait to take a hike and run?. Oh yeah right.. that will always be your trump card, your game, your excuse : why I will lose. Why I cant win.

I cant lose anymore.

I already lost,

I lost in your eyes

Your words

And our dreams.

I lost my heart

I lost things that made me, 

me.

I cant lose anymore.

And it doesnt matter.